Sake Water
by Raven-Leigh
Summary: Reno and Rude are sent through refresher courses to learn how to be better Turks. They meet their new teacher, Mrs. Grunt, and decide that they're not going to take their abuse silently. Rated mature in anticipation of the future chapters.
1. Constant Vigilance

"And just what do you propose?"

"Constant vigilance. If you don't watch someone like him, he might get out of hand. And the other one... You surely don't trust two people like that, do you Rufus? I thought you were smarter than that." The assistant's sneer irritated the blond as he sat behind his desk, fingertips together, staring at him. "There's always hiring others..."

"Unacceptable." What the hell was he supposed to do about Reno's drunken antics and Rude's silent accompaniment? That was just who they were, and he wasn't about to try and change him unless it had a bearing on how the company functioned. As long as Reno wasn't spilling bile all over his paperwork, Rufus thought of him as a stellar employee, and even more so if he kept his weapons in prime condition. One never knew when they were needed...

"Then you doom your own company to failure in its most tender stage. You're just getting past this. How do you expect to make money with two screw-ups like that? You have to rehabilitate them. Especially the red-head. It'll lead to trouble, that it will. Do you think they're just going to get lucky and complete missions without him being sober? I think you're crazy, ShinRa. You put too much faith in them."

"They got me through geostigma. They can get me through this."

"Unlikely. If you don't get yourself through this, no one will. You have to take action to get rid of screw-ups like them. And if you don't want to take action by yourself, then we're just going to have to force you. May I remind you that we are giving you money to build your precious little ShinRa back up?"

Rufus narrowed his eyes, antarctic gaze peering right back at the assistant. "I think you put yourself out of your place, Riley." Edward Riley had always been persistently annoying, but lately it seemed that he'd started grating on Rufus's nerves much more than in the past when he'd advised his father. "This isn't the old man's company anymore. Do you think you can tell me what to do? The youth of the world doesn't listen to the old farts anymore." He stood up, his hands resting on the desk, paperwork in varying sizes of neat stacks on either side. "I have my own way of doing things, and if you think that you're going to control me like you did the old bastard, I think you've lost your mind."

"I'm simply trying to save the pure majesty of the ShinRa family from disgrace, sir," said Riley with the 'sir' hesitantly muttered. "If one as noble as yourself, as your father's legacy, makes a foolish decision, that reflects on his mem-"

"I don't give a damn about his memory." Riley was startled into speechlessness at the young one's impatience. He wasn't usually as irritable as he was that morning. "Get out of my office before you meet a good friend of mine." There was a growl from behind the desk, tails flailing as Rufus mentioned such a notion.

Bowing slightly, Edward Riley nodded. "Certainly, sir. I'll be back to deliver my report later today."

"One last thing, Riley." Rufus stared into his eyes as the adviser stopped from his trip to the door and looked back at him. "If you mention **him** one more time in my presence and compare him to what I'm trying to do, your presence will be forever absent from the living side of the planet." Riley swallowed hard. Yes, he got the idea, and he knew that the young ShinRa had handled such matters himself in the past. It made him nervous. Bowing again, he ushered himself out of the office and closed the door to give the blond privacy as he started on a new stack of paperwork, likely insurance papers for the newly built and functioning building. From experience, Riley knew that it didn't bode well to incur a ShinRa's wrath. That was almost like playing with a loaded gun.


	2. Diabolical

Glowing mako eyes seemed to be magnified as they stared through the clear coffee pot. Blinking a few times, Reno was tempted to lick the glass. Sake and water coffee, what could be better than that?

"Sake is of happy," he started with a poetic tone. "Like dear Wutai's red sunsets. Sake is my life..." He ended his little haiku with his hand against his bare chest, as he hadn't yet buttoned the shirt underneath his unkempt blazer. After all, it was just morning. Too damn early to do anything as neat as that, right?

Rude stood nearby and watched Reno as if he'd grown another head. The antics weren't anything new, really. He'd been putting up with it ever since Reno was recruited for the Turks when he was a teenager. He watched the young man lean over and gently bump the coffee pot. "Start wooooorking... Please... Onegai... PLEAAAAAAAAAASE?!" Reno whined and bumped his head against the table. Rolling his eyes, Rude stepped over to the machine and wordlessly flipped the red switch on the front. The light popped on and it suddenly started making gurgling noises. Reno glared up at Rude as he simply smirked and walked off. "Bastard."

Rude stepped up to his desk, and suddenly noticed the door opening. He wondered if it was Tseng. He seemed to be later than normal that day. Either something was wrong or he was on a mission, though he figured it was the latter. Then he wondered if it was Elena, PMSing as always. Rude was pleasantly surprised to see Rufus. He raised a brow behind his shades as he watched his boss march across the room and look up at him, then briefly glance over at Reno, who at that moment decided it was time to fulfill his dream and licked the steaming pot. Glass seared his tongue, and he quickly snatched away, rubbing at it with his hand. "Waaaaaah!" Rufus was suddenly seeing Riley's point. Reno hopped around, dancing a jig as he tried to make the pain go away.

"Rude... What the hell is wrong with him?"

"It seems to me he burned his tongue on the coffee pot."

"Not that. Is he unsettled in the head? Or is he simply stupid?"

"Stupid, sir."

"I figured as much. It's time for a change." He watched Reno suddenly stop dancing around and stare at him with his tongue hanging out.

"Thange?" Blinking at him innocently, Reno looked at Rude to see if he'd heard right. "Wha' kin'a thange?"

"In other words, you're going to a refresher course on how to be a Turk. You're going to learn how to re-handle your weapons, how to take orders, how to format paperwork, how to complete business reports," Rufus glanced at Reno's chest, a couple of red hairs shining in the light, though probably not as many as the young man wished for. "... How to dress in a business environment."

Rude pushed his glasses down slightly and looked at Rufus over them. "But boss... We know how t-" He flinched as Rufus snatched the sunglasses right off of his face.

"How to dress in a business environment when you don't have sight problems." He shot an icy glare at Rude then turned the glacial orbs up toward Reno who was frozen with shock. "I want you two to be presentable. I want you to have a hair cut, damnit." Reno reached up and hugged his ponytail, staring at Rufus with fear. "And I want changes around this place. I'm getting complaints that you two are screwing around, not handling business like you're supposed to."

Reno blinked. "But before, all we did was handle business outs-"

"I don't care what you did before." His eyes gleamed almost maliciously. "This is my company. I do not conduct business the way my father did. I've let this go for too long, and if I don't stop it now then we'll lose more business than we can handle. Class starts tomorrow. I've already employed someone to help you. When Tseng and Elena come back from their mission tomorrow, they will handle your paperwork while you're gone." Reno started pumping his fist, but quickly stopped as Rufus smirked. "Then when you're able, you'll handle theirs while they go on vacation. That is all. Come prepared tomorrow to learn. And remember Rude," Rufus walked past him with a grin, patted him on the back, "old dogs can learn new tricks."

Rude and Reno watched the trench coat slide around the corner of the door and heard the hinge squeak and shut. Rude turned to Reno and Reno looked at Rude. "He's diabolical," said the red-head.

"He's a ShinRa," Rude stated with a bit of admiration. "He's diabolical by nature, so at least he doesn't have to work for it."

"So, so true..."


	3. Meeting Mrs Grunt

"We have to do WHAT?" Elena glared at the red-head as he did the booty dance in the middle of their office, rubbing against her desk. "God, you're SICK!" She flung her three-hole-puncher at him, barely missing his head. It broke against the wall, leaving a dent. Reno cackled and bounced around, rubbing his chest.

"Leny, you just WISH you could give into your desires... It's all into your mind. You can give in...it's okay. I know you want a piece of this!" His dance was cut short as she flung a cup of coffee at him, burning herself, though most of it landed on his bare chest. What few hairs he had were most certainly gone by the time he got finished shrieking and hopping around, rubbing the area. "That was just UNCALLED for."

"Nasty bastard. Be damned if I do your paperwork while you're laying up in an office playing on a computer and flirting with a course instructor."

"Boss's orders, Elena," Reno crowed, narrowing those glowing sea-green eyes. "Imagine what Tseng would say if you didn't follow our boss's orders. I daresay he wouldn't wanna take you out tonight. But wait...he doesn't wanna do that anyway, does he?" Reno squeaked and started running when she took her shoe off and came after him.

In a nearby office, Tseng ignored the red-head's screams for mercy and the angry-sounding whack of a shoe against skin. "He's putting you through a course?"

"That's what he said, boss," said Rude. "Beats me why." Rufus had confiscated his favorite pair of sunglasses, but of course he always had a backup, which he was currently wearing. He peered at Tseng over them. "I think he's mad about something." His voice rose a few notches. He had to talk over the now desperate shrieks as Elena took her fury out on Reno. It sounded as if she'd thrown him against a wall or either straight through it. "I think he's pissed off at Reno."

"Reno's Reno. He gets his work done and does the dirty work on the side." Tseng paused and listened as Reno's screams stopped. Placing a hand to his face, he sighed. "Go see if the fool is dead." _This can't be good for my blood pressure._ Tseng sat down at his desk and picked up the paper he'd received in his mailbox that morning. Rude came back when he was satisfied Reno was still breathing and sat down opposite Tseng in a chair nearby. "Your instructor's name is Mrs. Grunt."

Rude frowned. "Mrs. Grunt? I don't like the way that sounds."

"Sounds like you're in for a piece of trouble. Whatever you two do, don't give the lady a heart attack if she's old. And if she's young, don't let Reno harass her. Or at least, keep him from incriminating himself or pissing Rufus off. The last thing we need right now is a cut to our department, and knowing that sadistic little bastard, he probably knows this Mrs. Grunt." Tseng put the paper down. "Am I clear? No heart-attacking, and no incriminating acts. Be two good Turks, hear?"

Rude snorted. "Yes mommy. Want me to change Reno's diapers while I'm at it?"

Tseng edged back and rolled his chair to peek out of the door at Reno's prone figure on the floor. "You might have to if she wrung his neck. Just remember, no alcohol either. We want to make a good impression. Good impression means good money, Rude. Keep him from screwing up, will you?"

"You know that's impossible."

"Try to keep him from killing the instructor."

"That might be impossible."

"Make it possible, for my sake?" Tseng rubbed his temples, feeling a headache starting right between his ears. "For my sanity?"

"You can save your sanity all you want," Rude replied. "Might as well put it in a lock box and swallow the key because if you don't, Reno'll take what you have left and eat it." He heard Reno stir and call Elena something that pertained to her body-size.

"Indeed, but I think he might find the key and rob me. Just give me a katana and let me end myself..." The squawking started again very promptly, the thwacking of hard leather against soft skin and clothing making Tseng smile.

_**Later that morning...**_

"Hello dearies." Rude and Reno stared, slack-jawed at the little old lady that hobbled around in front of the computer consoles. Yellow skin gave the already haggard-looking woman an ancient look. Gray hair was pulled up into a tight ball right on top of her head. Large plastic glasses were settled on her nose, each lens around the size and shape of the bottom of a large coke bottle. Reno caught a case of the giggles as she grinned at him and revealed she had no teeth in. As she blinked at the two of them, Rude staring wordlessly from his computer chair, and Reno cackling beside him; Rude thought she really looked like an over-sized mosquito. "I am Mrs. Fiona Grunt." That sent Reno into a renewed cackling-spree. "And I am your instructor today, dearies." She eyed Reno, raising a brow from behind the coke-bottles. "May I ask you what is so funny, young man?"

Poor Reno couldn't reply, especially after he looked up at her. He nearly peed his pants as he tried to pick himself up so that they could start. Rude grinned. "Have to ignore him. He's on them wacky mushrooms that grow in the old slums. Addict, really. Gotta watch him when he starts twitching. Dangerous little bastard."

The woman gasped and stared at Rude. "What did you just say?"

"What?" Rude asked. He wondered if she was hard of hearing, but plastered a grin on his face.

Grunt blinked and shifted a little closer. "Huh?"

"What?"

"HUH?!"

"WHAT?!"

"OH! I said what did you say?"

"..." Rude blinked innocently behind his sunglasses. "... Huh?" Reno howled again, peed his pants, and screamed in laughter some more. Rude really did wonder if he was on something that morning, but just shook his head. It was going to be interesting, that course. That was, if they got through it.


End file.
